ASK THE HEADHUNTER How should I ask for an overdue raise?

deanwebb · July 24, 2018, 06:02:07 AM

How should I ask for an overdue raise?

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In the July 24, 2018 Ask The Headhunter Newsletter

dlots · July 24, 2018, 12:12:21 PM

Where is the link?

icecream-guy · July 24, 2018, 02:22:32 PM

Quote from: dlots on July 24, 2018, 12:12:21 PM
Where is the link?

it's with your overdue raise

Otanx · July 24, 2018, 02:40:16 PM

I'm sorry. I really wanted to give you the link. I think you more than deserve it, but the company is going through a hard time right now, and links are not being handed out. We expect this to turn around next year, and plan to make it up with an extra long URL when you get your yearly link next year.

-Otanx

Nerm · July 24, 2018, 07:50:31 PM

Quote from: Otanx on July 24, 2018, 02:40:16 PM
I'm sorry. I really wanted to give you the link. I think you more than deserve it, but the company is going through a hard time right now, and links are not being handed out. We expect this to turn around next year, and plan to make it up with an extra long URL when you get your yearly link next year.

-Otanx

dlots · July 25, 2018, 10:00:37 AM

Well shit: I am never getting the link.
I guess I'll start looking for another forum, and see if they will give me the link I want.

deanwebb · July 25, 2018, 11:05:28 AM

Here is the link, because it's NOT tied to your performance review around here.

https://www.asktheheadhunter.com/12069/how-to-ask-for-overdue-raise

BTW, I need your performance review self-appraisal in my inbox by COB Friday...

dlots · July 26, 2018, 07:46:18 AM

My performance review self-appraisal: I am freaking awesome!!

deanwebb · July 26, 2018, 09:02:03 AM

Quote from: dlots on July 26, 2018, 07:46:18 AM
My performance review self-appraisal: I am freaking awesome!!

Nice start. Can you respond to each of our company-wide goals in this spreadsheet here with that feedback? We'll also need your metrics by which you arrived at that appraisal. Also, you need to include a pie chart showing how many hours you spent on each task over the last year.

dlots · July 26, 2018, 01:47:41 PM

Company Goals
Do lots of stupid paperwork: I sucked at it.

Attend lots of useless meetings: I sucked at it.

Lie about progress on stuff so you can talk loudly to co-workers about non-work stuff: I sucked at it

In between those do a little bit of work: Did 6 months of an entire team's work in 2 weeks, wrote custom software for our enviroment, wrote software to auto TS the server enviroment, and pull data for the server team saving so much freaking time/effort. Wrote a program to auto generate network maps from a web-crawler I wrote. (AKA I was freaking awesome at it!!)

As you can see from the graph I have excelled at being awesome!

deanwebb · July 26, 2018, 01:54:27 PM

Did you improve your visibility with other managers?

dlots · July 26, 2018, 02:00:08 PM

Did you improve your visibility with other managers: Yes actally: because my manager ignores all the stuff I do. No matter how awesome.

deanwebb · July 26, 2018, 02:18:31 PM

What are your customer satisfaction ratings for the last year?

dlots · July 30, 2018, 08:05:43 AM

Well no one cares what I do, so I am my only customer, and I think I am awesome.

TLDR: 100% of my customers think I am awesome!!

deanwebb · July 30, 2018, 11:24:55 AM

Well, good news, in line with company policy, we're giving you a 2% increase in salary and you are now one salary band closer to the one that gets bonuses. Not going to tell you how many salary bands you have left to go, but you *are* one closer than before, and that's a special something!