Questions We Dread to Hear

Started by deanwebb, August 15, 2018, 11:07:30 AM

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deanwebb

August 15, 2018, 11:07:30 AM
"So... what's your availability look like for the next month?"
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.

icecream-guy

#1
August 15, 2018, 03:18:12 PM
Quote from: deanwebb on August 15, 2018, 11:07:30 AM
"So... what's your availability look like for the next month?"

Dreaded answer

Let me check my calendar....
:professorcat:

My Moral Fibers have been cut.

Nerm

#2
August 15, 2018, 03:58:01 PM
"So....do we really need these firewalls?"

deanwebb

#3
August 15, 2018, 08:08:55 PM
"Why is the network slow?"
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.

SimonV

#4
August 16, 2018, 03:16:00 AM
"Can you please check the network for drops?"

SimonV

#5
August 16, 2018, 03:16:22 AM
"Can you please do the needful?"

deanwebb

#6
August 16, 2018, 06:56:13 AM
"We're trying to close out the project before end-of-month. Can you put together the HLD and the LLD?"
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.

icecream-guy

#7
August 16, 2018, 06:56:37 AM
..and the ever so classic...

Is the Internet is down? :think:
:professorcat:

My Moral Fibers have been cut.

deanwebb

#8
August 16, 2018, 07:22:55 AM
Quote from: ristau5741 on August 16, 2018, 06:56:37 AM
..and the ever so classic...

Is the Internet is down? :think:

:facepalm1: :ivan: :facepalm2: :facepalm3: :facepalm4: :caine: :rick:  <-- The entire network team when they hear that question
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.

wintermute000

#9
August 17, 2018, 03:18:31 AM Last Edit: August 17, 2018, 03:23:03 AM by wintermute000
3 words: network is slow


bonus if zero corroborating evidence


usually ~70% chance nothing to do with network and is mis-behaving app / server / storage stack OR the network behaving within spec (e.g. 10M circuit with 500 users maxing it out, geeze so what black magic do you want me to perform?)


The worst I ever had was a week long 'war room' related to a double digit million dollar SAP rollout where 'network is slow'. After a week, they magically optimised some SQL queries and it was all good. Double bonus: they never did a baseline previous to going live, so there really was no objective way to measure what the expected performance was supposed to be. And yes this is a multimillion dollar project (they hired an entire floor of people just for it). Maybe, just maybe, the zero issues with VOIP or any other app was a dead giveaway... along with slow performance even when midnight and all links at 20% or less....


If you're in Ops and you want a good legit deflection (after doing your quick checks OFC), just ask them "What's the expected baseline performance as measured?", get the blank stares, then follow with "So what defines fast and what defines slow"?

deanwebb

#10
August 17, 2018, 07:22:50 AM
QuoteIf you're in Ops and you want a good legit deflection (after doing your quick checks OFC), just ask them "What's the expected baseline performance as measured?", get the blank stares, then follow with "So what defines fast and what defines slow"?

BRILLIANT.

:applause:

There should be a $3000 course, where all network and developers attend, where Wintermute steps up to the podium, says these words, then sits down.

Everyone will then realize that to be able to hear that wisdom for only $3000 was a BARGAIN.

And we heard it here for free, gents.
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.

wintermute000

#11
August 17, 2018, 06:58:23 PM Last Edit: August 17, 2018, 07:00:55 PM by wintermute000
LOL thx

Its so obvious when you think about it and paid any attention at all in high schools science - might not work for a 'normal' app e.g. your regular AD stuff that normally 'just works' but esp for new deployments - make sure they baseline the damned thing before going into prod. Otherwise it will be you explaining TCP theory to people (even better, bandwidth delay product - this is esp fun for satellite links)

deanwebb

#12
August 18, 2018, 01:16:26 PM
Oh, mercy me... I hate having to explain to developers that the laws of physics still apply to their cross-continent transaction speeds...

:developers:
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.

Nerm

#13
August 18, 2018, 09:04:57 PM
When coming from a Jr member of the team: "All I did was enable the trunk port and immediately lost access to everything"

deanwebb

#14
August 18, 2018, 09:36:03 PM
"What's the rollback plan?"
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.
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