Answers to Support Questions I Wish I Could Use...

Started by deanwebb, January 11, 2016, 02:11:28 PM

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deanwebb

January 11, 2016, 02:11:28 PM
Developer: "Could you check to see if the firewall is blocking any of this traffic?"

Me: "UR MOMZ BLOCKING TRAFFIC!!! BURN!!!"
:problem?:
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.

icecream-guy

#1
January 11, 2016, 02:36:56 PM
Quote from: deanwebb on January 11, 2016, 02:11:28 PM
Developer: "Could you check to see if the firewall is blocking any of this traffic?"

Me: "UR MOMZ BLOCKING TRAFFIC!!! BURN!!!"
:problem?:

I hate when they just give server names

Extent of ticket request:  Server Alfalfa can't communicate with server Buckwheat, please troubleshoot.

:professorcat:

My Moral Fibers have been cut.

wintermute000

#2
January 11, 2016, 06:39:27 PM
1.) new request or incident, if incident, confirm when it was last working
2.) please advise source and destination IP
3.) please advise protocol and port
4.) please supply ping+traceroute output

send ticket back


In a smaller org you have enough contact/rapport with support teams so they get this kind of stuff down pat, but in a larger org you just have to do the needful [sic]

deanwebb

#3
January 11, 2016, 08:03:30 PM
Well, there's what I say when I follow due diligence/care/process/whatever, but then there's also what I *wish* I could say and get away with, in some sort of comical, consequence-free fantasy world where networkers reign supreme...

Developer: Did you fix my throughput problem?

Me: Yes. I turned off your workstation.
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.

that1guy15

#4
January 11, 2016, 08:05:55 PM
ME: Hello this is Ryan
Whoever: Yeah we have an issue with X and think
ME: Dude leave me alone Im on Imgur.com and looking at cat GIFs
Me: click
That1guy15
@that1guy_15
blog.movingonesandzeros.net

Dieselboy

#5
January 11, 2016, 09:04:42 PM
Me: What's the IP?
Them: juc-hostname-prd
Me: FFS! [opens command prompt.]

:developers:

deanwebb

#6
January 11, 2016, 09:35:55 PM
User: Whenever I try to log on to this server, it says I have a bad password. I think it's a network problem.

Me: OK... try it now...

User: Huh. It got worse. I can't even connect to the server.

Me: Then you should call the server team. Sounds like a server problem.
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.

Reggle

#7
January 12, 2016, 03:43:03 AM
IM conversation:
Server admin: your firewall is blocking traffic. When it connects, it says connection reset right away.
Me: the firewall only silently drops and doesn't respond with resets. Is the daemon running on the right port, or at all?
*a few minutes pass*
Server admin: it works now. Thanks.

But the number of answers I would like to give...

Nerm

#8
January 12, 2016, 08:09:02 AM
User: Hello, my connection is slow.
Me: Go F*CK yourself. *click*
Me: Finally goes to get first cup of coffee.

that1guy15

#9
January 12, 2016, 08:18:42 AM
Quote from: Nerm on January 12, 2016, 08:09:02 AM
User: Hello, my connection is slow.
Me: Go F*CK yourself. *click*
Me: Finally goes to get first cup of coffee.

OR
ME: Yeah its 8-f'n AM and everyone is online looking at facebook and cat GIFs. Get some coffee and give it 30 min...
That1guy15
@that1guy_15
blog.movingonesandzeros.net

NetworkGroover

#10
January 12, 2016, 11:15:32 AM Last Edit: January 12, 2016, 11:36:02 AM by AspiringNetworker
Them: Hey, I have an issue.
Me: Hey, tell me if this sounds like a phone hanging up.  *click*
Engineer by day, DJ by night, family first always

Dieselboy

#11
January 18, 2016, 12:51:31 AM
Had a quote to fix our broken patches in our Sri Lanka office. The quote also included a switch, and was unsure why since we don't need a switch. His reason is that the Cisco 2960S that I have is only cat5.
:zomgwtfbbq:

icecream-guy

#12
January 18, 2016, 06:24:28 AM
what's the difference in pin out on a switch for Cat5E vs Cat6e?

nil, it's a cabling standard..
:professorcat:

My Moral Fibers have been cut.

deanwebb

#14
January 18, 2016, 08:53:17 AM
User: "The Network is slow."

Me: "Noooooo, iiiiiiiiiiit seeeeeeemmmssss ffiiiiiiiiiiiiiine to meeeeeeeeeee."
Take a baseball bat and trash all the routers, shout out "IT'S A NETWORK PROBLEM NOW, SUCKERS!" and then peel out of the parking lot in your Ferrari.
"The world could perish if people only worked on things that were easy to handle." -- Vladimir Savchenko
Вопросы есть? Вопросов нет! | BCEB: Belkin Certified Expert Baffler | "Plan B is Plan A with an element of panic." -- John Clarke
Accounting is architecture, remember that!
Air gaps are high-latency Internet connections.
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